Good evening everyone, if we haven’t yet had the pleasure of meeting, my name is Tony and I’m Vinny’s younger brother.
First, I’d like to thank the Fitzgeralds for hosting such a wonderful weekend and welcoming us to their city and home.
Next, I want to give a special shout out to my parents for putting all this together tonight.
And of course, the beautiful bride, Janie, and everyone’s favorite Schneider — Vinny.
With such a quality line up of friends from various stages in your life, I’m humbled to have been asked to be your best man.
…Though I’m pretty sure mom said you had to.
While he may not realize it, throughout my life, Vinny has been and continues to be my role model.
I’ve always admired his kindness towards others, lightheartedness, and seemingly effortless ability to attract and maintain friendships.
You know, I don’t think I’ve ever met a single person that didn’t immediately like Vinny.
I sat down to think of any real flaws and the only thing I could come up with was his insistence on ordering the most boring flavor of any junk food and pulling all the toppings off of his pizza.
Then again, that diet seems to have worked out pretty well for him. As for me, well…
Though generally good at things, on a rare occasion, something would come a little easier to me than it would to Vinny. For instance, Math.
He haaaated having his younger, nerdy brother teach him. To be fair, I didn’t exactly enjoy it, but mom would throw me a few bucks every now and again to keep the peace.
Now I’ve never been known to be much of a fighter, but one fateful day, after a particularly grueling session, in what would later go on to be known as “the punch”:
I looked over to Vinny. And He looked back at me with the face of someone who had clearly mentally checked out long, long ago.
In a fit of rage, the likes only known by a pubescent teenage boy, I sucker-punched him right in the noggin.
While not my proudest moment, my wimpy punch must have knocked some sense into him — after all he did become the doctor in the family.
Speaking of graduate school…
Who could have known that small college in a town we’d never heard of, would bring us here today.
It certainly wasn’t an easy journey, but Vinny got there through sheer determination and grit. Hearing that Vinny got into Lynchburg was one of the proudest moments of my life.
After 18 years of living down the hall in Alliance, and 5 or so years living across town in Columbus, it was bittersweet to have my closest, oldest friend move 7 hours away.
…Though it definitely freed up some space in my apartment.
And to top it off, he’d go on to meet Janie.
You’ve made My brother the happiest I’ve ever seen him.
Now that you’re officially a part of the family, please adjust your watch to Schneider time, bestowing you the right to show up 10-15 minutes late to any event going forward.
So, with that, please join me in wishing Janie and Vinny a lifetime of happiness, helmets, and more than mediocre Star Wars sequels.
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